Mummy :)

Mother.

I've looked up the definition on various online dictionaries and found most of them say that a mother is:

A female Parent, A woman in Authority (in regards to religion; Mother Superior), Source or Origin, Tenderness, etc. While the dictionaries are accurate in wording a mother's "technical" role, they neglect to tell us how mothers care, love, worry, pray, fight, protect, and heal their children. So with this in mind, let me tell you about my mummy :)

Born Maria Rosalinda Saldana, she's always been a bright and cheerful one. A beacon of light, if you will. Instead of surrounding herself with all the difficulties of being a young teen, she would rather enjoy fellowship with the little ones that would look up to her, little pupils eager to have an older kid play with them and to, in a sense, be a mother. She'd help take care of her younger siblings and always cared for her parents (though she might not always have been as appreciated as she deserved ).

My mummy can sure talk up a storm (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree :/ lol). Her lifelong dream has been to be a teacher. With her amazing communication skills she's known herself to be capable of so much more than just saying "Hi" to people. In fact, I remember a specific occasion in which Mummy had taken us to the clinic and began conversing with a fairly young mother who had taken her baby boy to the doctor. Mom started talking and talking and with her words began breaking down walls that kept this young mother in pain. Turns out the young lady was acting as a single parent at the time with no money, and pretty much no home-well, not a safe one anyways. Mummy brought her home with us and cared for her as if she were her own daughter. Nine years later Yamilet is now happily married and a mother of four more wonderful children- and she remembers my mummy as her own. What can I say? Mummy, she loves helping people, and so many times you'll find her seeing them through the most difficult times of their lives.

 My brother, sister, and I grew up hearing how she would work hard to earn hardly enough in money and yet still have the heart to grace her parents with most of the little she worked for. Work. That's my mother; a hardworking woman not willing to sit around and do nothing to better the state of her household and loved ones. Though she's not been educated at a university or anything of the sort, she's always found a way of providing and making things work out for us. She's way smarter than I give her credit. 

My mummy knows how to make me feel betto. Hugs. Her warm hugs are enough to make my heart melt and make me forget all the disasters around me. I don't know what it is about that woman, but every time I'm in her arms I feel safe. Nothing can hurt me. She's always been willing to let me fall into her embrace, no matter how busy the day may be-she'll always make time for us when we really need her. I remember many times falling asleep next to her on the bed with my head nestled on her arm, that seemed to work just fine when dealing with nightmares. 

My mummy is definitely the one I needed. Sometimes I think of how my life would've been had I had another mother. Truth is, while all this time I would have wanted my mother to be a different one, The Lord knew that she was the one I needed. I've been mean to her. I've neglected her love with stubbornness and pride. I've shunned her for her actions- things that I, in my religious mind, would esteem inappropriate for a mother. I've been so hard on her and have, in the past, wanted so much for her to change! To leave me alone or talk about something productive. I used to get annoyed, angry even, when she would comment about boys or ask about my emotional life. I just wanted her to talk to me about God and tell me the things a good "christian" mother should speak about. When in reality, her talking about boys was a way to get close to me, to know me, to care for me if the need was present, to advise me. She was doing what she would've liked for her mother to have done with her. She was loving me the way she knew how. And I, a cold arrogant brat, thinking I knew better, continually pushed her away and embarrassed her every attempt to draw near to me. I've been a horrible daughter, and it brings me to tears to know that I've hurt the one person that cares for me beyond herself. 

But that doesn't change her love for me. She still loves me in spite of all that I've done to deliberately hurt her. I've been too busy complaining about how I wanted a mother who would tell me about Christ, that I didn't realize that my mother's love towards me is a complete reflection of God himself. If she can love me this much, surely the one that gave his life for me loves me beyond my failures-and that's better a lesson than any I would've imagined from a super "christian" mom. 

So basically, I wouldn't be who I am(and I like me. lol) if it were not for my mummy. She's everything that I've needed in a mother and all that I want to become :) I love you mommy. And I am so proud of you!

With Lots of Love <3

Your baby,

Pelona :)

"Follow the Yellow Brick Road"

There's "nothing better" than knowing your life is in check. When: all of your classes are paid for, you have a wonderful job, great friends, you know exactly what you want to contribute to and gain in life, your love life is "flawless", you have a stable family, you're smart and know exactly what to say and when to say it; having all of that is GREAT!.... But what if you don't? What if instead of having all  classes paid for one needs to work harder-meaning less school and more work. What if the job one has diminishes their self worth or compromises one's beliefs-or makes them wish the day was over when it's only just begun? What if one's only friend is low self-esteem? What of those that have no idea what they want in life, much less know what they have to offer? What of those that lie awake at night only to pray and pray for their long overdue prince charming? What if one's family is torn and battling for honor and love instead of being whole? What if instead of applying intellecutal humility one speaks and speaks out of line-hurting those not meant to be hurt?
 How unfortunate. Too bad so sad. I guess you weren't meant to do anything special with your life. You were a mistake.
 The enemy hovers over every living soul, wanting only to destroy those that are worth destroying. 
"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" 1 Peter 5:8 (NIV).
 While many would agree in believing that a self-satisfying life filled with all the monetary gains and exterior accomplishments(such as: money, jobs, friends, goals, significant other, picture perfect family, intelligence,etc.) is key to a happy and fulfilling life; I beg to differ.
The world is so blinded by the enemy's twisted scheme and false truths that its status quos are so ignorant of true beauty and meaning of life. No one aspires to be linked to the source of life anymore.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing" John 15:5 (NIV). 
I don't mean to imply that all things gained here on Earth are depraved, but when those gains become your sole purpose in life death is near. Perhaps not literal physical death, but death none the less, a more crucial death-the only death that matters.
"Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell" Matthew 10:28 (NIV).
 You see, when things don't always go the way you expected them to go, or when your life doesn't meet the status quo of this world, you are blessed. How so? Well, while others are fascinated by the meaningless of this world and the vacancies it has to offer, you are being tried. And why else would you be tested if not to serve a greater purpose. While others are indulging in treasures that will fade away, you have the opporunity (blessing) to know The Creator of the universe on a whole new level. You get to learn and sense His love for you. Understand that when your life doesn't seem right and troubles come your way, more than likely, you are on the right road. I know this because it is through trials that one grows. Like a gold ring being refined through the fire and molded into its finest form, only to be used with honor.

The Beatitudes

    He said:
   ³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn,
   for they will be comforted.
⁵ Blessed are the meek,
   for they will inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
   for they will be filled.
⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
   for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,
   for they will see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers,
   for they will be called children of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
   ¹¹ “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹² Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
Matthew 5:2-12 (NIV)

Why would the devil find satisfaction in bringing down those that are already down? That would be redundant. Always remember that the enemy will attack those that are a threat to him. Yes, you. Because you are loved by the King of Kings, and His love brings FREEDOM from the enemy! Recieve it and let His love surpass the status quos that surround you.

Stay this way Forever...

You deserve much more than I have to offer. Yet, I've been able to look for you and find you. You have a way of simply meeting me when and where I need you the most.

Father, I know you were there when I was a child, when I didn't know any better and thought that what I had was as good as it would ever get. But now I see!... After trying so hard, time after time, season after season to know you and heal, all along it's been you-not me- reaching for me and pulling me into your everlasting arms-your strong embrace. Where NO ONE can pry me from. I hear the enemy often telling me to give up, that you're not really there. But I feel you. So I say he's right, you're not there, you're right here, with me. You'll never leave me and I know that. How I feel about that I've yet to decide. For you know me, and I cannot understand how anybody would still want me after knowing the sickness in this heart. 

But here you are, and you've never relented, you remain fervent in your endless pursuit of me-of my love. I always thought I trusted you. Whenever anyone would say "you should trust God" my immediate reaction was one of an insulted prideful child. Obviously I trusted you, right? I mean I would go to church every time service was being held, I would sing, and even talk to people about you... Truth is I haven't trusted you at all. To say that I know not your power is an understatement. You are MIGHTY, and every time I fail you I diminish your might in my life. But that's over now.  I'm not going back. I'm going to let you love me. Romance me, love. I need you to gather all the pieces that I've scattered on the floor, I need you to hold my heart and please make it yours. You are LIFE, apart form you I can only expect death.

Thank you for your unfailing Love and Mercy, two means by which you have broken past all my pain and shame and have brought me into your light. A light that I'm not ashamed to stand before-not anymore- because you love me. I can honestly say that you've LOVED me past my weakness, shame, limitations, chains, and pain....With you is where I want to be-where I belong. Love, let me stay this way forever.

Trust

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” Jeremiah 29:11-14

Many would suggest that "trusting" God is simply professing to do so... Maybe because we've been hurt so much that trusting anyone is the hardest thing to do. These days many people are coming up with different beliefs and remedies  for the common man's problems, so much so that "trusting" God has become just that- a word or declaration. But what if one would actually take God's spoken words to a whole new level?  What if when someone breaks your heart you wouldn't just say "all things happen for a reason"  and then turn around and question why it happened(all the while engaging in more harmful relationships), but you would actually believe when God says that "[He] knows the plans [He] has for you" and that they are "plans to prosper you"? If the Living God was able to be with the Israelites while they found themselves trapped between the Egyptian army and the Red Sea, he can surely be with you. Whatever you're going through always remember that God is bigger!... and He KNOWS-even if  you don't- what He has for you. All you have to do is trust- Meaning let go of what you want and think is best for you, and allow for The Almighty to do His stuff :)... Believe it.

It's All About You

I can't imagine my life without you. Early on I knew you were for me. To Hold me, Love me, and Never Leave me. But this world has lost its way, being driven to the very place of non-existence;and along with it my loved ones. How will they know all that you're worth if no one will express it? If instead of loving them, I become selfish and work for my own selfish desires? No. They deserve more. This world deserves more. 
Alone no one can accomplish anything...I'm not alone, El-Shaddai is right here with me.
 Many times I've wondered why He's chosen to love me and give me all  that he's dared trust me with. Truth is, it's not about me and what I've been given-it's all about Him. So when a problem surfaces and I think it's all about me-my life, my problems and the like- bring me to a place of recognition Lord; It's all about you. Your World, Your Loved ones, Your problems and  most importantly Your Victories. I am but an instrument in the hands of  the Living God!

And if HE was able to give EVERYTHING(even his very life) then surely I can, too...

To the man I love most on this Earth...

I have known you for twenty years now-well more like You have known me.

 I have seen you struggle for my safety and  love the same- for me.

I have seen you hurt and walk in shame.

But daddy, remember that my love still remains.

Don't you see that you are precious?

A true treasure that I get to love? 

Don't you know what you mean to me-to those that love you through the rough?

I feel your hurt when I see you cry,

And love you more when you realize that what you are is what I need,

I woudn't ask for more than these:

Times when you'd spank me for being bad-

then heal the pain away with your hand.

Times I'd cry for getting picked on-

you'd sit me on your lap and tell me I'm "Bonita".

Times I'd wear those mini skirts in public-

You'd scold me and make me wear an ugly "tunic".

Times we laugh and laugh for no real reason-

and mom accuses you of treason

when you share with us her funny moments

all the while imitating her crazy movements .

Times we talk of music and dreams you've let go

to become the father I will love forevermore.

Times we dance to the rhythm playing from your country-

I remind myself that I have been lucky

to have been blessed with such a daddy as this,

to dance with and feel this bliss. 

Daddy, you are more the man than you give yourself credit,

You're kind, gentle; don't you get it?

Without you there would be no Me,

or Gg to walk these storms with me.

I love you for who you are and have been

For you have taught me to be humble and never give in

to the ways of this world-the drinking and smoking-

I think if I'd try it I'd die from the choking.

The creator of the Universe has made us meet

so that you'd receive his love through me.

Because, Daddy, you are worth so much to Him,

and for love of me He'll reel you in

to love you and hold you when you feel alone

and remind that where you are, He has already gone.

To the man I love most on this Earth,

How can I ever fully express how much you're worth?

Thank you for being my daddy...

"Knock"

You know, I've never really considered the the whole truth in Matthew 7:7. It reads: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." I have a tendency of only considering the "Ask" and "Seek" from this verse; but not until now am I considering the third option: Knock. 
Our Creator is Holy and because of His Holiness we tend to allow for guilt to rule over His love. You see, God Loves us sooooo much that he laid down his life so that we would have life- and not die as our sin deserves.
Being perfect is not in the job description of being a believer or follower of Jesus Christ. Jesus wants our love and companionship. He longs to pour out His love on our lives; but we push him away. Why? Could it be that the guilt of our failures is at a higher standing in our lives than God's sacrifice(the bridge that links us together again)?
Perhaps we don't understand how a Mighty God would still love and pursue us inspite of our deliberate disobedience. But that's okay, you don't have to :)
Jesus says to "Knock and the door will be opened." So it does not matter where you are right now,where you've been, or where you will be tomorrow; Jesus' promise remains. You don't have to worry about being rejected or left to fend for yourself. Know that the door will be open; if only you knock.